How Obscene!

Ok, so I'm on a very overcrowded subway train making my rush hour trip home from school to Penn Station and eventually home. People keep cramming in, the doors can't possibly close with arms and legs and heads sticking out...its CRAZY! Well there I am pinned up against a guy, and suddenly I notice something poking me in the ass. I try to move out of this object's way, but it stays with me like superglue. I realise that it is the umbrella of the woman behind me. I turn and look at her, she is OBLIVIOUS that her umbrella is attempting to give me a colonoscopy. I move again, hoping the movement of my body with her umbrella would make her notice where she is shoving it. I mean REALLY!?!?!?!?? You're in a crowded place and you stick your umbrella straight out in front of you?? c'mon now!

Fortunately I only had one more stop to stand there....but before I unplugged my crack......I farted on her umbrella! Yes I did!! Wonder if she noticed???



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Since we are on the topic of umbrellas, I have another comment to make. I may have mentioned it in earlier blogs, or just in rants among friends, but why the hell do people carry around such GIGANTIC umbrellas? I mean, when you're walking down the sidewalk heading to work or whatnot, is there a need to use an umbrella that can fit 5 of your friends and still none of you get wet? Bad enough if you're strolling along in a park, or a big open space, but we're in NYC people!! Not a lot of room as it is when you're trying to maneuver your way down the street, let alone having to avoid humongous umbrellas in your eyes.

I think they should make a law, similar to the HOV lanes on the Long Island Expressway. The HOV lanes require that you have at least 2 people (including driver) in the car. Well how about a limit on umbrellas as well? You want to carry that gargantuan bumbershoot with you? Then you must have at least 3 people accompany you under there...come to think of it, its a lot like car pooling....you take turns holding the umbrella, or you use your own each week or whatever....